Explore your values for more agency

If we like it or not, all of us are guided by a set of values, navigating our lives. Often they are unconscious and we don’t take the time to actively choose and lean into our values as a way to foster change and develop more agency.

When we care to look at our lives and what we have created so far, it’s very easy to detect the particular values, which were at play mainly.

I think one very important question to ask is:

‘Have you been following mainly one value? Or has it been a combination?’

Another interesting exploration could be:

‘Have your values been cancelling each other out or were they in support of one another?’

Personally, I feel there’s a real danger in over focusing on one value to the exclusion of others.

For example, honesty is very important to me, but focusing solely on this value can lead to unkindness. We might become brutally honest without considering others' circumstances anymore.

This is why it is a good idea to combine values in a meaningful way and live in the tension of those, balancing them out.

When it comes to honesty, I try to do so in a compassionate and kind way. Sharing the truth can sometimes be painful, but there's no need to be brutal or unkind. It is possible to endeavour in setting boundaries in a respectful way without belittling or being mean to the other person involved.

It's about being direct yet courteous.

Maybe at times we need to be a bit more direct  and at others more kindness is needed, when it comes to stating our truth.

Of course this demands much more of us, rather than blatantly hyper focusing on one value, like for example ambition, reaching the top of our industry etc.

We are asked to lean into, THIS AND THAT, INSTEAD OF THIS OR THAT.
There needs to be a willingness to embrace the paradox.
Let go of black and white narratives, but dance in deep complexity.

It’s about consciously exploring our values, trying new ones we might have dismissed. In order to foster change, for example in our relationships or elsewhere.

We become the artist, choosing different colours to paint with.
The one, who balances on the tightrope.

How much honesty and how much kindness are we going to employ next time?

Each situation will call for something different, another ratio.

I think we really benefit from actively embracing seemingly contradicting values, developing agency, as well as staying in our integrity.

Here are some possible pairings to experiment with:

Honesty & Compassion
Ambition & Playfulness
Peace & Justice

Another interesting combination and great example of working our values in tandem, came through a comment on my Youtube video called ‘The danger of letting one value dominate’, saying:

‘I apply this to positivity. To be purely positive all the time does not work and you end up acting ignorant and selfish. But if I acknowledge all feelings around me and the bigger picture and then choose the MOST positive perspective/approach in a healthy way, things always come together.’

It might be also interesting to challenge yourself a little and to lean into a value you might have a bit of a beef with, combining it with another one, that comes easily.

I for example have very mixed feelings towards ambition, but decided to combine it with playfulness and see what happens within my business, if I manage to apply this combo.

Of course our value tandems we might chose don’t mean anything, if we firstly don’t become clear on what they mean to us and secondly don’t translate them into identifiable actions.

When it comes to agency in a certain area of our lives, where we want to affect some change, business or relationships etc., it’s a good idea to focus on the implementation of two values, that really feel meaningful to us and also to keep on tracking how we’re getting on with the implementation. Making adjustments as we go along. We could for example have a once a week value tracking Sunday with our favourite cup of tea or coffee.

Naturally we intend to be super compassionate with ourselves, while embarking on the journey of exploring our values for more agency.

Which tandem of values will you focus on and which area of your life will you actively apply them to?

Let me know in the comments.